SHOCK HORROR Santa resigns……
Santa resigns and closes down the Santa factories “I’ve had enough” said Santa “it’s time to retire”, but what will happen to Christmas?
It was only recently that Santa released this shock statement “if the global economy continues the path it is going I’m not sure if Santa’s factories and indeed Christmas can survive” and now Christmas’s worst nightmare has come true as Santa closes down the Santa factories, makes numerous elves jobless and sells his reindeer to a high street vender of fast food. What went wrong for the big man and can the world survive without Santa? In an exclusive interview TheUrbanShop put these questions to Santa.
So Santa the big question, what went wrong after all these years?
Please call me Kris I never did deserve to be made a saint. What went wrong, where do I start? The Pacific Rim, emerging economies, greed, soaring wages and demands from the elves, you know since we have done a few films and Hollywood got in on the act the elves have been at me biging up their part and constantly putting demands on me, and of course I’m not getting any younger.
So what will happen to the elves?
Many will have to return to shoemaking, the Easter Bunny says he could use some so they will be retrained for new jobs but many will have to look for new opportunities. They weren’t easy to work with, I wish them all luck in the future but they aint getting any more money from me, royalties included.
Is this the end of Christmas?
Christmas should survive even without me as we have millions of affiliates worldwide who over the years have been helping and relieving the load from me as the job got harder.
Was the job taking its toll?
Things are harder now than ever, how many houses these days don’t have chimneys. They have sophisticated security systems and many have dogs, big dogs, I’m not a fan of dogs. Then there’s the non-believers biting at me all the time and kids staying awake to try and catch me, it’s not has easy as it once was, no.
Wow didn’t realise the job was so hard.
Yeah people have made fun for years works one day a year, then comes down chimneys, it hurts you know, I’m a good guy.
So what now
I suppose a long holiday somewhere hot, I’ve no cash but some very important friends who say they will look after me.
And what about Christmas?
Like I said the affiliates will take care of much of that and people like yourselves at TheUrbanShop.co.uk are helping to restore the feeling of goodwill by dropping prices before Christmas, generally being nice guys and honest that’s what I’ve always liked about you over there, that’s why I always drop you little extras in your stockings.